I have spent 20 years of my life as a Yoga Instructor. The mind, body, spirit connection has been at the foundation of my every move. And, I do my very best to walk my talk. Years ago, a yoga student came to me and explained that she was ‘battling’ breast cancer, for the 2nd time. She asked me if I would help her rebalance her energy while she went through her experience. I really did not know what I was getting into as I had not worked with someone who was in the late stage of breast cancer. I met with her and with her encouragement, placed my hands directly on her right breast. I could feel the substantial tumor that was growing from her chest wall. I had never felt anything like it before and I would be untruthful if I said that it did not alarm me. It did. Alot. I am human and this was not something I had ever encountered before or since.
This beautiful woman made her transition about 6 months later and I was blessed to have been on her path for the short time we had together. Just as she has lovingly remained in my thoughts and awareness over time, I know that my experience that day, and the alarm I felt, did also. I chose to keep this to myself, hidden away somewhere, quietly afraid of what I felt.
With this said, let me also say that I am an adult. I am the single mother of two, now young-adult children, who understands responsibility. I know the importance of taking care of myself not only for my family but most importantly for my own inner self. I am educated, progressive and expressive. I champion others to listen to their bodies and their hearts and to above all else, “know yourself.” I know self love heals and I know that what we FEEL manifests itself as dis-ease in our vessels. Thus you would think that administering a simple breast exam on my own body once or twice a month as a means of self-care and self-love, would be something I not only do regularly but do with ease.
Honestly, until recently, this was not the case. I have large breasts. Large, heavy breasts that after two children are not particularly perky, however, they are full and beautiful in their own way and I am at peace with how they look in regard to my body. What I have never been at peace with however, is that at 17 I had my first “big girl” GYN exam. The doctor told me then that I had ‘cysts in my breasts’ which meant I need to be very careful and give my self breast exams often.
The doctor told me then that I had ‘cysts in my breasts’ which meant I need to be very careful and give my self breast exams often.
Ok. Well, that simply scared me out of my wits, but I tried to do what she told me to do. I tried it time after time, year after year as doctor after doctor handed me the little shower placard that showed how to check your breasts for lumps. I would try once or twice then walk away from the whole thing. It was too stressful to tell the difference between what feels like strands of cysts running through my entire chest. Quite frankly, I always left my shower feeling weird and unsettled inside and that sensation just wasn’t worth it. After the experience I had with my friend and yoga student who eventually passed on, I decided I had had enough. I would get my mammogram but self breast exams were not for me. I just couldn’t tolerate being terrified.
My Empowering Moment
Fast forward to 2014. I teach a meditation and visioning class in the evenings and one of the women attending the class came in and excitedly told us about the company she works for and this amazing Breast Ritual Créme, Circuelle. She went on and on about how it works and how it will change the way women look and feel about their breasts and save lives and empower us to connect with our bodies. I listened openly and yet somewhat politely knowing that I was probably not interested in trying this product. I just did not want to go down that road again and I certainly did not want to feel bad about myself for having made this decision.
In her genuine way and sincere enthusiasm, she insisted I take home a tube of the Creme and try it for a while. Out of respect,I tried the Circuelle Breast Ritual Creme that evening. I promptly thought, ‘nahhh, I am not doing this’, and walked away. About 3 weeks later, standing in the shower, I decided that I needed to give it another shot. I conducted a little internal prayer ritual of my own and asked for my old perceptions to be cleared and for me to experience myself from an open, relaxed place…that I be open to learning something new. I wanted to do this, not for the breast awareness/early detection exam really but more so for my own deeper level of intimacy with my mind and body.
I took the Circuelle Breast Awareness Créme and slathered it over my left breast. The Créme is like a translucent lotion that somehow doesn’t disappear as soon as the water hits and yet it is not sticky or residue-y or unappealing in any way. In fact, it is completely organic, non-toxic and silky is the only way I can accurately describe it. My breast felt silky. I began with the traditionally rotating motion shown in all of the literature and decided to can that idea. So I just started massaging my breast. As I massaged my breast I got braver because the trail of cysts became part of the experience in a way that was unobtrusive and therefore unlimiting. I could truly FEEL my breast, and my chest wall, and up under my pit of my arm…all of the places I had been afraid to travel before.
I put the créme on my right breast and began the same experiment. I pulled and massaged and lifted and explored, chest wall to nipple and everywhere in between. All of the scary places I had carefully avoided since I was 17. I can remember laughing as I stood there, saying out loud “oh my gosh! I cannot believe this! I can actually feel my breast and chest and everything! I can tell where every cyst is and whether the wall is smooth or not… and its not scary… it’s sensual! This is amazing!” I felt that I would actually know if something felt out of place and it didn’t. I also felt that I was getting to know me somehow. I just stood in the shower for the longest time massaging my chest and letting the water pour over my head while my whole body became liberated. That is the only word I can find to describe my experience with Circuelle.
Circuelle is truly a Breast Awareness Creme and the experience is truly a Breast Awareness Ritual.”
Our breasts are made for and symbolic of nurturing and I know this. Loving my own in a whole new way opens up a new portal of personal connection and peace with myself that has been a long time coming. I can truly take care of myself now. I can touch my breasts and feel calm and relaxed and connected.There is nothing fear-based in the Circuelle experience. Quite frankly, it is revolutionary and it has the potential to change how women, young and mature, and also men of all ages experience a healthy connection and thus an early detection ritual that enables us all to live our best lives.